Thursday, October 31, 2013


What a difficult period of time this has been ... learning to live without the presence of our precious older son.  Even though I know his suffering is over and he is at peace, it is small compensation for my sense of loss and finality.  We all know that death is final ... that there is no coming back to this particular time and place ... I believe that I will be with my son once again in the Kingdom but for now we are separated and he is asleep in death.  I cannot call him to chat about his day and tell him I love him; we cannot spend the day together; I cannot tell him that Serena (his kitty) is loved and happy; I cannot tell him that we're keeping his beloved truck and enjoying it ourselves; I cannot hear his voice or see his special smile or receive a tender hug.  Learning to deal with this loss is heart wrenching -- some days are good and some days are very very hard.  But it is getting more manageable.

I want to start blogging again but it's been hard to write.  My emotions overwhelm my thoughts and crowd out what I want to say.  Our lives are pretty simple and not very exciting so often there is not a lot of stuff to write about.  I love my home; I enjoy decorating very much but once it's done for a while, it's done.  I'm not one to change decor just for the sake of doing so.  I don't like to store a bunch of stuff I'm not using (even though our garage is full to overflowing and it would appear otherwise!).  I do have a husband who likes to keep lots of things -- just in case -- sometime -- somewhere -- we might, just might have need of it.  And, truthfully, sometimes we do need what he has squirreled away.

I read a lot -- finally got a Kindle last year and although I really like real in-your-hand books the best, the Kindle does make finding and purchasing books easy as can be and it's always around and waiting for my few minutes or an hour to sit and read.  I read light fiction for entertainment and I've been studying biblical prophecy all summer.  Got hooked on a couple of prophecy books and find them eye opening and informative so it keeps me motivated and interested.

My husband and I managed to get away recently for a couple of long weekends to our favorite places ... Prescott, AZ, and Julian, CA.  Both remind us a bit of New England where we grew up and spent so many years.  There are green trees and grass and cool air -- things that are hard to come by here in Lake Havasu.  But I'm not complaining -- until this week we were still in the 90's every day; now we're in the 70's and it really feels like fall.

Next weekend we'redriving to Corpus Christi, TX, to meet my sister and her husband and spend a few lazy days together.  They live in Florida and we in Arizona so Texas is about half way for both of us.  Looking foward to some family time.  Our loss this summer reminds us how precious both time and family are and how much we need to cultivate the relationships that bless our lives.

Take care of your heart and your family,


  1. I'm sure that the process of healing is slow and gradual, A young man in our home town who was a couple of years younger than our daughter took his own life last week. Truly heartbreaking for his family and friends. I just am haunted by the news that he was so depressed and in despair.
    I hope visiting with friends will help some. I know the holidays are difficult times for those who remain here. I feel that your loved one can see into your heart and knows about his cat and pickup, etc. That's just my belief. He's not physically with you, but I believe he spiritually watches over you.
    Keep blogging. Share all feelings no matter how raw or emotional. It will help you heal. I care! I don't know the pain you're suffering, but I know it's real. All I can tell you is that I'm sure praying helps and knowing that you are loved as is your son. Our Heavenly Father won't abandon you. Remember to believe...

  2. I cannot imagine the pain of your particular loss but feel such sorrow for you. How wonderful to be able to take small pleasures where you can and to just slow down and enjoy life the best way you know how. My heart goes out to you and your family.

  3. I love your faith and optimism. Please don't love it and become jaded as I also believe we will one day walk through Heavens gate and our sons will give us a big ole bear hug and say Hi Mom, I love You. And to they I think it will seem as only hours since they last saw us:) So gald you got a Kindle., I love mine and get most of my books FREE so get your email address on a few links and you'll have free books from which to choose daily. Hugs, Mollye. PS my hubbby is a "pack rat" too and I wouldn't have it any other way:) I just selectively donate when he's not looking.